Once upon a time, I ended a relationship. Back then, in the ‘eye of the storm’, I couldn’t put my finger on why. A long love seemed to have inexplicably fizzled away over the course of 6 short months, and by the end, I didn’t want to get better. I just wanted it to finish.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing, and a few years distance has given me a new perspective on why that relationship ended. Among other things, one of the biggest reasons for my cooling off was that I felt the responsibility for managing our home wasn’t equally shared. Not even close. Not even after talking, asking, list-making, negotiating, sulking, arguing, shouting or passive-aggressively thudding round the kitchen. And, after a spin on the Love Languages test, I can now see what a massive problem that was for me.
‘Acts of service’ feature very highly on my love languages – in fact, they’re right up there in second position (behind physical touch, which came as no surprise to me). I appreciate a partner who sees a pile of dirty dishes and regards it as his own to wash up. To my mind, it’s the base-line for a mutually respectful adult relationship.
I’d love to know what does – or doesn’t – work for you. Do you feel good about the way you divide responsibility for housework? Who does the chores in your house?
p.s This comic strip
p.p.s A huge relationship milestone.